…is a premise which might apply to many of we aspiring creators and because of this self consciousness, many promising futures in art, writing and music have been stopped in their tracks by the self imposed idea that the work we produce is not good enough.
Good enough for what ? This depends very much on the end purpose of many hours spent producing a personal work of art. Many artists choose to make a living from their work and these people must be supremely self confident in the knowledge that their work is good enough for the public to spend money on their products.
Just as many , if not more, do the rounds of galleries and publishers and auditions and are rewarded with the confidence draining experience of rejection.
Taking writing as an example, I wonder how many unfinished or barely started literary efforts are lying in blue and pink folders, in cupboards under the stairs all over the country.
All because someone suddenly decided for themselves that no one would want to read their work anyway. Paraphrasing Ian Rankin, he said that in order to be a successful writer, first off one has to write, and write a lot. Then one has to get lucky ( publisher etc ), and stay lucky.
Authors will tell you that it is very hard to make a living from writing but I can’t help but think that there is a bit of underlying self interest involved. Writing is a cut throat business and, with the advent of computers, publishers are inundated with manuscripts from all quarters and can afford to be selective as to which titles they wish to see on the bookshelves attached to their name. Marketing is strategically fierce and self publishers can find themselves sunk without trace because of the affordability of taking part in the race.
So why would anyone want to dip their toe in the shark infested pool which is the literary world ?
Personally, I still regard it as a minor miracle that I began and persevered with what started off an exercise. A miracle, because of my life dedicated to addiction and all the pitfalls which came as part and parcel of that. A miracle, because I was at my lowest ebb mentally and even lacked the self confidence to go to a shop alone. My saving grace was my lifelong interest in computers and the ability to accomplish most tasks on them.
However, I knew that, if and when I started to write, it wasn’t going to be something that was put in a drawer and forgotten about and I published what I wrote on a free WordPress site, and eventually built my own site.
I’ve never made a single penny from writing and I don’t suppose I ever will. I’m plagued by self consciousness and as long as that is present I’m unlikely to realise my full potential. I sometimes wonder how many other people are in the same boat. Afraid to say something because it might offend someone. Afraid to say something which may sound pretentious to others. Afraid of stirring up the trolls who might wish to offer their own particular brand of critique. Deciding which side of the fence to be on as the already small readership is divided. Going with or against the flow of internet opinion. Afraid that the research on a topic is erroneous thereby risking the little integrity that had been built thus far. Afraid, mostly, that no one will like your work and therefore , you personally.
Despite all that, I’ve kept writing and publishing several times a week. The reason being that it is good for me and that’s what is important. I’m not saying that other people’s opinions are irrelevant because we all like to have our ego massaged now and again and I still get a buzz when an author follows me on Twitter. This is usually to promote their own latest work and I doubt if they even glanced at mine, but I’m grateful nonetheless.
Its difficult to get over the self consciousness hurdle and I can understand completely why people start then stop after a short period. The computer and internet have taken much of the hard work out of writing. No more having to sit in libraries, surrounded by a pile of reference books and taking copious notes on an A4 pad with a pen ( remember them? ), then going home to assimilate the information into something which others will understand. It can mostly be done from the comfort of your own home.
I’ve found, with writing, that my approach of not expecting anything at the end of it, rarely leaves me disappointed. I still have the satisfaction of having accomplished something which was totally alien to me just a few short years ago and it lets me express my current thought processes which are more more beneficial to me in an article, than buzzing around my head all day.
I mentioned before how therapeutic writing can be and I would recommend it to anyone. Don’t worry about what you are going to write about. Our present governments are supplying us with fresh material every day, which is just begging for our opinion.
more to come…
An Ex Drunk's View From The Driving Seat 