Self Defence Or An Act Of Aggression…

…is a question in some peoples’ minds as North Korea continues its missile testing programme with some alacrity.self defence or an act of aggression Kim Jong Un is claiming self defence but the Western world are viewing the situation as a threat.

Both sides of the story are plausible, although we in the West are only treated to one side of the story as the propaganda machine rolls on relentlessly, urging us to see North Korea’s leader as an unstable and dangerous warmonger who’s only reason to live has become the destruction of the USA. That’s as may be, but no one knows for sure and the propaganda machine depends on this lack of concrete knowledge for its success. Remember Iraq anyone ?

However, what if Kim Jong Un is merely looking after the interests of his country, albeit dictatorially ? If anything, he isn’t stupid, contrary to what our propaganda would lead us to believe. He only has to look at all the wars going on around the world at present and realise, like the rest of us, that America doesn’t invade countries who can fight back and cause damage to American soil. And now that he has a missile which can reach the US mainland, his insurance policy is securely underwritten and he can get back to doing whatever it is that dictators do on a Friday afternoon.

Many other factors come into play in what is potentially a very serious situation. Other countries in much closer proximity to North Korea than the USA are also watching with interest and are probably in possession of more intelligence. Therefore, they are suggesting other viable solutions which don’t involve nuking the North Koreans’ homeland.

Bullies don’t like it when their victims retaliate, and I don’t see any reason why North Korea shouldn’t have a deterrent like many other countries. Kim Jong Un seems to be making the point that the rest of the world should leave North Korea to get on with things in their own way, without unsolicited Western interference. Perhaps if we did that and respected their sovereignty, things would return to a more peaceful atmosphere.

Meanwhile, in Britain…

…Theresa May’s woes considerably deepen as a new poll suggests that Labour have taken a substantial lead over the Tories. This will be seen by her peers as another nail in her already well studded political coffin into which she steadfastly refuses to climb.

The lady in question is currently attending the G20 summit in Hamburg, sitting alongside some of the most powerful and respected leaders in the world. Her current credentials include neither powerful nor respected and this certainly won’t have gone unnoticed by the other attendees who will take full advantage of her non status and penchant for U turns. This can”t be allowed to continue. We deserve someone with the qualities of real leadership to represent our views at these events or we will remain the laughing stock of the world.


more to come…

Carry On Conservatives…

…might have been the next movie in the Carry On series, were they still making them. Carry On ConservativesThe current Tory administration’s bumbling attempts to force through unpopular policies has all the ingredients  necessary for such a film.

The worrying aspect about the whole business is that aren’t even trying. There is no script, no screenplay, no libretto. Just a bunch of hapless wannabees stumbling their way from crisis to crisis led by a ” determined to succeed at any cost ” character who has the mobility of facial expressions which Sid James would have been proud of.

However, the election is done and dusted. Deals have been done, no matter how unpopular, and the British public are left with the rather unpleasant fall-out after the proceedings. Nervously, they wait to discover which way the axe will swing during the next inevitable round of cuts from a directionless government.

Before, during and after the election, the direction in which the government would have liked to lead us, was, and still is, the Brexit direction. The Tories are promoting Brexit for breakfast, lunch and dinner. In what must be one of the most intense marketing ploys, even snack breaks are full of Brexit as they try to tell us that it is the most important thing ever to happen to the British people.

So why did it fail so intensely ? The main reason is that Labour came along with a manifesto which offered clear and workable alternatives to the imposed austerity under the Conservatives and informed people of the truly important issues facing our society. Their cause should have been assisted by the stark reality of events occurring in London and the exposure of the flaws in the Tory system, but people continued to vote Conservative and returned a minority government.

There exists in Britain a ” right of passage ” attitude towards politics. Traditionally, the working class have voted Labour. Traditionally,  the Tories have tried to screw the working class for as much as they could get away with at every given opportunity. However, the Tories recognise the aspirations of the lower classes only too well, and know that once a person has the means to afford a fancy car and the mortgage on a house and all the debt that goes with it, there is a strong chance that the person’s vote will swing in their direction, and principles are soon forgotten.

Margaret Thatcher knew exactly what she was doing when she sold off the nation’s entire council housing stock. Due to this process, thousands upon thousands of new Tory voters were created, as people realised their aspirations which were now seen as qualifications to vote Tory.

What will happen in the future is anyone’s guess. The benefit of the election is that it has brought people together in their dislike and disapproval of Theresa May as our Prime Minister. This can only intensify as she continues to lie and bluff her way through issues which are an everyday part of governing a country, preferring instead, to push Brexit and austerity to the fore.

People are aware now that there is another way which is radically different and far preferable to the Tory’s globalist approach. Theresa May will be hoping for a period of calm during the summer recess and hope that her failings will be erased from our memories, but it’s up to us to let her know each day that we haven’t forgotten and that the momentum built up in such a short time is increasing. Then perhaps, the Tory Party conference will offer another opportunity to unseat her.


more to come…

Respect and Trust of the Public…

…are essential elements of any kind of leadership organisation. A tiny bit of instilled fear of the unknown used to be thought of as beneficial also, to assist the achievement of desired goals. Theresa May and her current administration have lost all public respect and trust and the public know no fear. This has not gone unnoticed by the very people with whom negotiations begin tomorrow, June 19th, to facilitate our exit from the European Project.Respect and Trust of the Public...

Reportedly, tomorrow’s talks are projected to last some seven hours. If they last longer than seven minutes, it will come as a surprise. The reason being that the British opening gambit will probably be met with some derision and they will be invited to return when they have something reasonable to offer which is backed by the opinions of the people. Present circumstances allow the Tories no room to bargain.

An article in the German online publication of ” Spiegel Online ” headlines with;

Europe used to have a fearful respect of the Tories. But those days have long since passed. Now, the weakened party may have accidentally killed off Brexit — a pet project that most party leaders didn’t want in the first place.

The article goes on to say ;

Once upon a time, under the leadership of Margaret Thatcher, the Tories filled all of Europe with trepidation. French President François Mitterrand complained to his psychologist that he was plagued by nightmares caused by the British leader and German Chancellor Helmut Kohl, as unclassified British documents revealed in late 2016, once preferred to chow down on a cream pie in Salzburg than meet with the British prime minister.

Then quotes the Financial Times, followed by it’s own comment ;

“The country looks ridiculous,” the Financial Times –– not exactly a leftist mouthpiece — wrote recently. Indeed, the party of Winston Churchill and Margaret Thatcher has turned into a gaggle of high rollers and unwitting clowns.

The full article can be found here.

Therefore, the current British negotiating team will start the process very much as the underdogs, and the above article is only one of many in this vein which are circulating Europe at this time.

Queen’s Speech

On Wednesday of this week, June 21st, the Queen will give a speech which is prepared for her by ” ministers of the crown in cabinet ” ( wiki here ). This speech outlines the government agenda for the forthcoming parliamentary session, and takes place annually or following a general election.

However, reports are emerging that Mrs May will bypass next year’s Queen’s Speech, ( should she get through this one ), in order to allow herself an uninterrupted period of government. Not only does this reek of being unconstitutional, but blatantly demonstrates her total lack of confidence in herself and her administration. If she had worked to gain the trust and respect of the public, she would have sailed through a Queen’s Speech on a weekly basis for the next two years. Instead, the public see weakness where there should be strength and these open weaknesses leave an administration wide open to exploitation, not only by the public, but by the leaders of other countries.

By clinging on to the flimsy scraps of office, the humiliation will only increase, both for Mrs May and the public, as we collectively cringe in embarrassment watching her attempts to faux pas her way out of trouble.

People are not happy being the laughing stock of the world and it is time to rewrite this particular scene to allow more suited players to assume the parts. Who knows, the Queen may yet surprise us all, by beginning her speech with the words, ” Theresa…you’re fired “.


more to come…

” Make The World Go Away…

…and get it off my shoulders “, an old sixties song, sums up how the Tory Party might be feeling in the wake of the General Election.make the world go away However, no one can make the world go away for them.

They will be forever remembered for policies which destroyed our first response capabilities and austerity measures which have been the cause of the needless loss of many lives.

Tragic circumstances, as tends to happen, have been responsible for bringing many of their failings to light. The most recent being the horrific fire at Grenfell Tower in Kensington, where not only many lives were lost, but the lives of those who survived have been wrecked also.

Many are pointing to the fact that Tories voted against a motion to make all rented properties fit for human habitation as a key factor in this tragedy. Why would they do that, one might ask, when they were elected to serve in the public interest ? The answer being that 74 of the sitting Tory MPs at the time were themselves , landlords, who, no doubt, lobbied their Tory colleagues to vote in their favour and achieved the majority result they required, exclusively from their own party. Thus, avoiding expensive repair bills to bring their properties up to regulation standards and still able to gather large profits from renting out sub standard accommodation.

This exposes another flaw in the system. A system which allows MPs to be responsible for implementing our Housing Benefits policies in government and the House of Commons, then receive payment of those benefits individually, as landlords. Does anyone else see a huge conflict of interests here?


Noam Chomsky, renowned philosopher and linguistics expert, and someone you won’t hear overly much about in the mainstream media because he tells the truth, said ” That’s the standard technique of privatization: defund, make sure things don’t work, people get angry, hand it over to private capital “. Which is exactly what is happening regarding our police, fire brigades, NHS and other services we pay taxes and national insurance to the government for. Privatization of these particular services by these means comes at the expense of much loss of human life which is written off  callously, as collateral damage.

Situations like Grenfell Tower, no matter how tragic, brings out the best of human nature, as people flocked to give what they could to assist those who had been cruelly ejected from their ways of life. This won’t have gone unnoticed by those who’s job it is to record these events for government statistics. These events provide them with valuable information about the fabric of society and to ascertain how much people are prepared to do for each other without government assistance. It spoke volumes that it was Jeremy Corbyn who was the first to address the question of rehousing those affected in the same area and the footage of the visits of both leaders to the scene, highlighted the starkly contrasting attitudes between government and opposition.

The Tory government’s ultimate aim is for them to sit back and do nothing, whilst the country runs itself in the hands of private ownership. Margaret Thatcher said as much in an interview following the privatization of the power industry, when she told the interviewer ( and I paraphrase ), that life had become much easier since she didn’t have that particular issue to worry about any longer.

Therefore the Tories are in turmoil and no matter how hard they urge us to put recent events behind us and carry on as normal, their chickens have finally come home to roost and no one will forget these transgressions anytime soon, nor after the collapse of their regime.


more to come…

Normality Will Not Be Resumed…

…until the current Prime  Minister of the United Kingdom resigns or is removed from the position by her party. NormalityHow can normality be resumed in the current atmosphere of complete uncertainty? In one fell swoop, she has destroyed the confidence and respect of the Tory electorate and her colleagues, no matter what they say in public. She has decimated her Parliamentary majority in an act of folly and wrecked the country’s reputation abroad.

Yet, everyone is being asked to ignore all of that and carry on as if nothing had happened ! We are asked to believe that she will sort it all out and that we have no need to worry. However, whatever trust the public may have placed on her has been shattered and that makes it extremely difficult not to worry.

In an attempt to divert us from the fierce criticism she faces over the doubtful alliance she wishes to manufacture, her advisers resigned, or were made to resign, and she reshuffled her cabinet.

Her advisers’ resignations came as no great surprise. After all, someone’s head had to roll. Just not her’s. As long as the public were aware that it wasn’t her fault.

This raises the questions, ” Why does she need advisers ?” ( she was elected on her own merits ) and ” Why are unelected individuals being allowed to influence government policy “, especially when these advisers have backgrounds in the press and financial sector. Surely, any advice to be given should come from her cabinet colleagues who were elected for precisely that reason. Government is a serious business, not a PR exercise or experiment.

The cabinet re-shuffle was the expected non event that it turned out to be. No change really. Just a bunch of Tory millionaires, all educated way beyond their intelligence, adding to their fortunes whilst subtracting from the public’s. Interesting, is that they all , in some way, are connected to the financial sector, so its not hard to determine where their interests lie. The cabinet resembles more a firm of accountants than a political body. If any more disappointment was to be had, apart from the fact that they were there at all, it came in the form of  Jeremy Hunt’s retention as Unhealthy Secretary. Some reporters seem to have a problem pronouncing his surname. Can’t think why.

The most imminent threat to Mrs May’s political future will come later today as she attends a meeting of the 1922 committee, of which the membership are Tory back-benchers, and was formed in 1923. Honestly.

A quote from the 1922 Committee wiki here tells us, ” The 1922 Committee has an 18-member executive committee, the chairman of which must oversee any election of a new party leader, or any Conservative party-led vote of confidence in respect of the current one “. So, Mrs May will be trying to convince the members of the validity of her future plans for the party and the country. She may even offer an apology, but that’s probably stretching the bounds of reality a bit far.

The 1922 group are known to be ruthless and have been responsible for leadership changes in the past. Because the group comprises every Tory MP in the House of Commons, they have nothing to lose by voting out a leader whom they feel is damaging to the reputation of the party. They can’t be fired by Theresa May for voting against her. The worrying aspect is that her visit may be simply a formality, as the rest of the charade seems to have been so far. All should become clear,  later today.

The unfolding story reveals nothing to do with normality,  whatever that happens to be. Normality would have been the Prime Minister’s  resignation, as David Cameron graciously did after the Brexit referendum. He may have had ulterior motives for this, but his transgression pales into insignificance compared to that of Mrs May.

Hopefully, the embarrassment which everyone feels for her, as she  clings desperately to  a sinking life raft, will soon be ended. Only then can we return to the normalities we have each come to know.


more to come…

Jump Before You’re Pushed…

…is the most common way for politicians to escape the devastation they have created ( with the exception of assassination or death by natural causes ),jump before you're pushed but Theresa May seems either, unwilling to jump, or is oblivious to the fact that we all want her to. Even her inner circle and party members want her to. But with grim arrogance, she still clings to the remaining shreds of what is left of her term of office.

Yesterday morning, in a flurry of activity and before the last votes had been counted, Mrs May had visited the Queen to let her know she would be able to form a government, negotiated a coalition deal with the DUP and reshuffled the Cabinet, before telling any of her colleagues, it would seem. This may go some way to explaining the stony silence emanating from senior members of the Tory Party, who are usually only too keen to meet with a hungry press following an election.

The whole charade reeks of desperation from someone who has destroyed something which wasn’t theirs and is now engaged in a futile attempt to atone for their wrong doing, with minimal damage to whatever reputation they may have thought they had.

Because, Theresa May had absolutely no reason to call this election. She had a working majority in a Parliament which still had three years to run, during which, a Brexit deal could have been done to the satisfaction of most of those concerned. Instead, she embarked on an ego bolstering exercise which ended in disaster. One of the slogans used by the Tories was ” Judge us by our record “. Perhaps Mrs May would have benefited from looking back at her own record, replete with failure, before going off on unadvised excursions.

Today, in an attempt to soften the blow and to alleviate any bad feelings we might harbour towards Mrs May,  we are being subjected to tales of how badly she was advised by her chiefs of staff, and that none of it was really her fault. Understandably, Theresa May wants to put all of this behind her and move on to the next ” thing ” and, understandably, she would like all of us to do similarly. It was just a hiccup after all.

On the contrary, the general impression seems to be that no-one is going to forget this in a hurry, nor just let it go, or sweep it under the carpet, because it is so crucial to get this part of our country’s history right. In order for it to be right we need a stronger leadership than the incumbent can provide.

A hastily cobbled together coalition between two parties who disagree on most of the basic principles which make up our society is not going to be a healthy partnership. The DUP are only too aware that they are Theresa May’s only chance of survival, therefore their demands will be pitched accordingly. There will be no ” helping out a friend in need ” attitude or doing favours. There will be a price and the price will be high.

The highest price, however, will be paid when the negotiations for Brexit begin. Mrs May probably doesn’t think so, but at the moment Britain will be the laughing stock of Europe as she scrabbles around embarrassingly, seeking support from any quarter. And EU negotiators will heave a collective sigh of relief in the knowledge that their job has been made that much easier.

Mrs May was under the delusion that Brexit was the issue which was uppermost in the public’s mind, and completely failed to address the far more important issues which were at stake in this election, so far removed is she from the reality which we are allowed to experience.

As we survey the destruction she has caused, one can only hope that she will take on board the age old lesson which says ” you can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear “, then depart the situation, leaving experts to piece together what remains, and, luxuriating in retirement, she can pen her book ” How to Win an Election by Doing Absolutely Bugger All “.


more to come…


Social Media Storm Happening Now…

…as the public vent their emotions regarding last night’s terrorist atrocities in London. Social media provides an outlet for the anger and frustration people are feeling at the time.Social Media Storm Happening Now... Not so long ago they would have displayed this same anger and frustration by taking to the streets and demanding action from the government. Nowadays, such demonstrations of solidarity are frowned upon and its far easier for the government to ignore social media messages than it is to ignore several thousand angry protesters standing outside the House of Commons, disrupting the flow of the transport system.

As expected, Theresa May treated us to one of her press conferences following a meeting a meeting of the, so far, ineffectual COBRA group. I was a bit perturbed to hear her use of the word ” we ” in some of her statements, as if it was all of our responsibilities that that this horror was occurring. We, the public, are unavoidably caught up in the situation, but that does not make us complicit in the decisions, based on greed and personal agendas, which successive governments have made to bring us to where we find ourselves today.

Mrs May said that ” we ” have become too tolerant of extremism in our society. It would be too much to hope that the ” we ” in this case referred to the government, which is where the tolerance of extremism lies. People on the street have been warning about this for years and for most, their will be an air of inevitability surrounding these episodes. The public ” we ” knew that things like this were going to happen Mrs May. Why did the government ” we ” pretend they didn’t ?

She went on to inform us that we were experiencing a new trend in terrorism. I wondered if the speech was being given by someone who had just landed from some distant planet. But no, it was our esteemed Prime Minister, sticking to a hastily prepared script, no doubt. Surely it couldn’t have escaped her attention that attacks, similar to that of last night , have been happening across Europe with obscene regularity and is the second attack in the UK where a vehicle has been used, and a bomb attack only a week ago. It certainly hasn’t escaped our attention Mrs May.

Another solution to this problem needs to be found, because whatever the government are doing , or not doing, definitely isn’t working. Only fools would trust a government to provide a solution to a problem which the government were responsible for creating in the first place. Yet we do it all the time and the distance between government and those governed becomes more distant as time goes by, despite the illusion that social media gives us of greater accessibility. There is no substitute for face to face confrontation if someone wants to make their point heard and, more importantly, felt.

I get a strong impression that people are reaching their limits of what is acceptable and are becoming angry at governments who’s only consistency is that of letting people down.

My sincerest condolences to all those affected by these horrible crimes.


more to come…

Bilderbergers’ Egg Baskets…

…must have been well and truly upset, in frustration with the news that President Trump has decided to withdraw from the Paris Climate Agreement.Bilderbergers' Egg Baskets However, its certain that the Bilderbergers will swiftly recover and come up with some devious solution to the problem.

Climate change was sure to have been on the agenda as several of the attendees will have interests in the huge industries which have grown up around the subject. If it wasn’t, it will be now. Public support for the theory has been waning recently as new evidence emerges, so the exponents of global warming stand not only to lose a great deal of money, they will also be made to look incredibly stupid, then exposed as the liars and con men they are.

Donald Trump’s announcement coincides perfectly with the commencement of the Bilderbergers’ meetings today. It is taking place just a few miles west of the White House at The Westfields Marriott in Chantilly, Virginia, which is obviously intended as a one-finger salute to the President, on top of the fact that he wasn’t invited. However, it remains to be seen if he will attend irrespective of his persona non grata status. Who could blame him ? Its his country after all and he has a vested interest in what goes on.

This year’s attendees are drawn from various financial, educational, press, corporate and governmental agencies amongst others. The list includes current U.S senators and a state governor who will be sworn to secrecy. This might make things awkward if they are ever approached by the President for information regarding something which pertains to what was discussed at their secret meeting. Also from the U.S.A there is an ex CIA director and an ex secretary of defence.

Making an appearance from the U.K. is failed MP and failed Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, who was invited in his capacity as editor of The London Evening Standard. It becomes clear now why he resigned from government as this would have precluded him from attending Bilderberg. It would also explain why he was elevated from journalistic nobody to editor of a prestigious city newspaper, ensuring that he had qualification enough to be invited without eyebrows being raised. Its very doubtful that Henry Kissinger et al are remotely interested in his dubious editorial skills but are extremely curious about what he did in his last job. As are the British public.

Also from the U.K. is the chief executive of Ofcom, Sharon White. Ofcom is the regulator of the communications industry in Britain. It regulates the TV and radio sectors, fixed line telecoms, mobiles, postal services, plus the airwaves over which wireless devices operate, and has obviously come a long way from simply dealing with customer complaints, to be deemed suitably important to warrrant a seat at the Bilderberg table.

The full list of attendees and agenda items can be found in this article.

Climate change or no climate change, there is a strong impression that the location of this year’s meeting was designed as an attempt to unsettle President Trump and to show him and those who don’t support him, who really rules the roost, by holding a secret meeting right under his nose. I think we are some distance away from reaching a conclusion in this one-upmanship battle, but the identities of those who think they hold the keys to our futures is becoming clearer due to some smart moves on the part of the President.

Listen to what George Carlin has to say about saving the planet here.

Please feel welcome to comment below.


more to come…

Cloak And Dagger Methods Of Control…

…were once the preserve of spy novels and one could never be absolutely certain that such agencies existed in reality, such was the intrigue with which they were presented.Cloak and Dagger Nowadays the cloak has been drawn aside to a small extent, to reveal some of what lies behind. The metaphorical dagger is plunged deeper every day.

Nick Clegg, the LibDem MP, who led his party into a coalition with the Tories and subsequently disappeared until the next election, was reported the other day as saying that Britain would lose access to a vital European database upon exiting the European Union, if Britain did not adhere to their terms. He is either being deliberately naive or is totally unaware of an organisation which has been in place since the second world war ended.

The organisation is called the Five Eyes and it’s existence has never been widely broadcast because of the secrecy of their ” work “. The idea for this organisation was, in part, instigated by Alan Turing, the computer scientist and cryptanalyst. The countries which took part in the foundation of the organisation were, New Zealand, Australia, Canada, America and Britain who agreed to share data with each other for increased security reasons. Over the decades since the war, other nations have been accepted into the organisation and there are now fourteen.

Therefore, nowadays, fourteen nations have access to every phone call , every email and text message, to name but a few, which are sent or received by an unsuspecting and unknowing public. ” Is this legal ?” might be the next question. The answer being, ” It is now,” or ” a bit more legal than it used to be “. The ” Snoopers Charter “, introduced in Britain earlier this year, wasn’t introducing anything new. It was merely making legal, what the government have been doing for years, illegally. Thus, saving themselves a huge damages payout to every British citizen.

Although massively funded by their respective governments, these organisations are virtually autonomous. Governments are always grateful for the intelligence they supply, but their methods of obtaining it are never called into question.

One could be forgiven for assuming that the data is snatched from the many thousands of satellites which orbit our planet, allegedly. Satellites, however, are next to useless in the intelligence game because of their vulnerability and only the Dutch have a law in place which exclusively permits satellite data to be used. The other member states prefer the use of many hundreds of submarine fibre optic cables costing many trillions of anyone’s currency, to achieve their goal. The same fibre optic cables which transfer our data across the world to transmission towers and can be tapped at any time by these organisations. Then they wondered ( ? ) how America knew about Manchester before we did. I prefer to think that they knew.

Intelligence gathering is big business and signals the final demise of democracy. Most people knew that the democratic society was already drawing it’s last breaths but were too afraid to admit their fears. Intelligence gathering of this magnitude has only a very small ” something ” to do with security. What it has in abundance is everything to do with controlling the public of the not too distant future, once the relocation of entire races and religions has settled down into some sort of order.

Only we can stop this happening by sharing our new found knowledge and making sure that the authorities know that we know what they know, thereby rendering them powerless. The only power they hold lies within the secrets they keep from us.

More about the Five Eyes can be found here and here. These are two presentations by Eric King, each of thirty minutes duration. The first deals with the history of the Five Eyes and the second goes into more detail. Both are full of relevant and interesting information which is worth thinking about on the run-up to next week’s election.

Please feel welcome to comment below.


more to come…

Respite From The Internet Jungle…

…is a beneficial, if not essential, exercise, which frees the mind from the cataract of useless information and cacophony of conflicting ideas roaming unfettered inside a human brain.Respite From The Internet Jungle Respite offers the opportunity to assemble things in an order which is easier to process for the individual and to make sense of the pile of notes strewn across the desk.

I’m not complaining. Far from it. Its the way I work which, in turn, works for me, and if that’s all I have to worry about on a Sunday, I’m in fortunate position. Almost 6 years ago it would have been an entirely different story, as I awoke each day from ethanol induced unconsciousness to begin another day in the pursuit of the magic potion which would appease the source of my pain.

Recovery from addiction is about finding what works for the individual. There are no tried and tested miracle cures unfortunately and it can take many years of misery inducing relapses to reach the stage where it feels that the right thing to be is sober.

This raised the question for me ” How many rock bottoms are there ?” Because, just when I thought I had gone as low, physically and morally, as I could go, lo and behold, there were still more back streets available to explore. And on many occasions I did, without finding the the mythical, repugnant rock bottom which would be so alien to my inner self that it would propel me towards sobriety. My rock bottom, if such a thing exists, was the onset of a deeply felt hatred of myself.

I had no pressure to stop this time. My partner enjoys ( a crucial word ) a drink. The police and sheriff’s officers weren’t breathing down my neck for once. Life was probably as good as I had known it during the previous forty years but my main goal in life was still the procurement of alcohol from any given source. However, the situation where I bounced back from a particularly strenuous session after a few of what had caused me to feel ill in the first place, deserted me.

It’s substitute was something I hadn’t experienced with such intensity in all my years of addiction. A profound self loathing. Gone were the self justifying get out clauses. No longer could I seriously find a morsel of a reason to drink. And, believe me, I tried to, because I wasn’t used to feeling this way and it was disturbing to find that my panacea was no longer effective. So with some reluctance, I stopped, and as time went by I started to like myself and the way I was developing once more.

Have I made things difficult for myself by not using outside agencies like AA or the various counselling services ? That would be hypothesizing, and I won’t say that things have been easy, especially in the early days, but for 20 years my drinking was interjected with lengthy visits to rehab, psychiatric hospitals, AA meetings and counselling. A jail sentence did nothing to quell my alcoholic ambitions. However, I would never discourage anyone from availing themselves of those agencies, ( except jail ) because I believe that these experiences helped me to achieve my long term goal in many ways.

I wish I knew the combination or held the key to the safe where the secret of sobriety is stored because so many good people I have known haven’t made it to this stage and were never given the chance to properly experience a sober life. This stark reality fills me with deep sadness and lets me know just how lucky I am ( and luck played a major part ) to have been one of the survivors who found what works for them.

Please feel welcome to comment below.


more to come…